Writer Spotlight: Simon Rich

 

The New Yorker seems to be highlighting Simon Rich a lot, so let's do that too.


 

An Analysis Of Wonder Woman’s Invisible Jet In ‘Batman V. Superman’

This weekend San Diego Comic Con debuted an exclusive first look at Wonder Woman’s Invisible Jet from the upcoming film. The Ocassional breaks it down.

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Potential Daydreams For A Weak Teenage Boy

Weak teenagers spend much of their days in school daydreaming. Sometimes, however, one may find himself daydreaming the same scenarios over and over, and grown a little tired of it. Well, here are some new daydreams to get you through the rest of high school, college, and, let’s face it, life

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Thank You For Calling Time Warner, Your Call Is Very Important To Us And Also We’re Busy Saving The World

“Time Warner Cable, this is Erin speaking, please hold,” I say.

“Oh, I just wanted—” 

“Please hold,” I say again, despite the woman’s exasperated tone. For the good of mankind, she’s going to have to wait.

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A Letter To Marvel Regarding My Recent Radioactive Spider Bite

Had a couple questions I was hoping you could help me with — mostly regarding Spiderman’s origin story. In both the comics and the films, I was lead to believe he was bit by a radioactive spider? Cause the thing is, um, so have I.

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The Adventures Of A Female Super Hero

When the fighting finally finished half the town lay in ruins, but she had won. Galaxis, Earthʼs greatest hero and guardian of humanity, staggered to her feet. Her blue cape was tattered, her silver polymer jumpsuit scorched with countless laser burns.

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Being Superman Has Bored Me And I’d Like The Entire Justice League To Have Sex While I Watch

Oh, sorry. One more thing: You’re all going to have to wear a Superman suit. Not to worry; I had Batman’s weird old roommate get all your sizes.

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A Gentleman’s Guide To Becoming A Supervillain

When running your lucrative business, it is imperative to maintain certain societal standards. The same rules apply when running the world.

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Weapon X To Wolverine: Please Come Back To Finish Your Physical Therapy

Hello Mr. Wolverine. My name is Keith Lemay, I’m a physical therapist at the Weapon X program. Our records show that recently you violently escaped our compound after Dr. Stryker grafted adamantium to your skeleton, but that you did not complete your physical therapy.

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Happy 4th Of July! Or Don't!

Whatever, We're Not Your Dad!


Women Are The Real Heroes

Women can have babies, while all men can do is fire a few sperm into the vagina. Women house the place where a sperm penetrates an egg and creates a zygote — the beginnings of human life. Men have a penis and two balls that hold the ammo for the penis to squirt.

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I Think I Should Get More Credit for Killing Hitler

I think I should get more credit for killing Hitler. And I know you’re thinking: “Who’s Hitler? I’ve never heard of a guy named Hitler.” But the only reason you’re saying that is because I went back in time and killed him.

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Catching Up With 'Orange Is The New Black' Star Jermaine Fowler

We sent along some questions for Jermaine and he was nice enough to take a few minutes off from promoting the new season to send back some answers.

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Night Night With Ron Funches

Who says a talk show needs to be an hour? That’s way too long. We’ve got everything you need, in less than five minutes.

Watch →




Bigfoot's Line of Self-Help Books

He's big, he's hairy, and he's unlocking the keys to financial success.

See Them All →

Terry Richardson's Children's Book

Much like many celebrities these days, photographer Terry Richardson has published his own children's book. 

Read The Book →

Belle Banquets: Have Dinner With Any Person, Living Or Dead

If you could have dinner with any person, living or dead, whom would you choose? Aristotle? Catherine the Great? Mahatma Ghandi?

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Our “Our Philosophy Poster” Poster

Relax. Breathe in. See those three Vitamix blenders? They are state-of-the-art in healthfulness tech.

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History's Dumbest Theories About The Moon

As long as there have been idiots, there have been idiot theories about the moon: what it’s made of, what exists on its surface, and who, if anyone, might live there. Here are some of our favorite theories of the moon over the ages. Read More →






"Where's Waldo Today?" With Tony Hale

In the years since his last book, Waldo has hit hard times. Find him - as he finds himself - with his latest pictorial.




 

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Conversations Throughout History


 

 

Best App of the Month: Uber For Dogs

Every month, The Occasional saves you the trouble of sifting through the app store and recommends the one you must download. [READ MORE]

 

 
 

 

 

bestieXBestie


Featuring Jenny Slate & Gabe Liedman

 
 

Here's Some Shit We Didn't Know What To Do With


 

Life Tips!

QUESTION:

Internet is out. How do I keep myself from going nuts?


ANSWER:

Have you tried using your iPhone, you big fat idiot?

Fun Things To Tell a Widow at a Funeral

  • Well if I knew you were going to get in a tizzy about it, I wouldn't have eaten that Bomb Pop during the eulogy.
  • I think you're wrong. He would have wanted me to wear shorts.
  • I forgot my wallet, can you spot me a buck to put in the casket/jukebox?
  • I've never felt so alive.
  • Have a great summer.

Really Surprise Her Tonight

When you reach for a condom, tell her about how you cry when she goes to sleep because "this isn't how you planned it and the worst part is that it's nobody's fault." Bitches love that shit. 

 

 

Fuck, Marry, Kill


An interactive game. We won't judge.