I LIKE THEIR OLD STUFF BETTER
From The Archives Of The Occasional
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Featuring Jenny Slate & Gabe Liedman
Here's Some Shit We Didn't Know What To Do With
Internet is out. How do I keep myself from going nuts?
Have you tried using your iPhone, you big fat idiot?
Fun Things To Tell a Widow at a Funeral
- Well if I knew you were going to get in a tizzy about it, I wouldn't have eaten that Bomb Pop during the eulogy.
- I think you're wrong. He would have wanted me to wear shorts.
- I forgot my wallet, can you spot me a buck to put in the casket/jukebox?
- I've never felt so alive.
- Have a great summer.
Really Surprise Her Tonight
When you reach for a condom, tell her about how you cry when she goes to sleep because "this isn't how you planned it and the worst part is that it's nobody's fault." Bitches love that shit.