An In-Depth Look at Mother Nature's Greatest Work
The human body is a remarkable specimen. It is 6’3”, 215 pounds, and is covered in small freckles and red hair. Click sections of the physique below for a more in depth look into the anatomy of the human body.
↓ Click on the targets below to learn about your favorite body part ↓
The human body features a prominent right black eye that is usually the size of an angry bouncer’s left hand.
Facial Mustard Glop
Humans also all have a large glop of yellow mustard on the left side of their face, embedded in the beard. This is why everything smells and tastes like mustard.
During puberty, every human body grows a thick red beard, about a half-inch in length. It keeps us warm in the winter and extremely hot and uncomfortable in the summer.
Chest Bald Spot
All humans are covered in chest hair, with the exception of one two inch bald spot located right above the right nipple. Scientists believe this spot coincides with humans’ adoption of the messenger bag.
The left side of the human body features a red, spotty rash, approximately 7 inches long and 3 inches wide depending on how much broccoli one had for lunch. We don’t know why every human has this rash, but we also don’t know why we have an appendix.
The Belly Button
All humans have an innie belly button, surrounded by hair and a healthy layer of girth. This was once our mouths.
The Ice Cream Cone
This is the ice cream cone, found on the right side of the human abdominal region.
Right Arm Bruise
All of us are born with a large bruise on the right arm, often re-aggravated by a failure to spot Volkswagen Beetles first.
Elbow Skin Patch
Human elbow skin is the strangest section of skin on the body - wrinkled, discolored, elastic, and gross to kiss.
Scar From Juggalo Knife Stab
When the human being turns 16 it will attend a friend’s older brother’s party. That older brother will be a huge fan of the Insane Clown Posse, as will his friends and other party goers. One of those ICP fans, also known as Juggalos, will drunkenly pull out a knife and slash the left arm, midway between the elbow and wrist. The resulting scar will last for the rest of a human’s lifespan.
The Left Hand
This is the left hand of a human.
The Right Hand
This is the right hand of a human. It is composed of 5 fingers, a palm, and a losing Scratch It.
$60 Cash Taped To The Back
Humans occasionally find themselves strapped for cash, which is why the body evolved to include three Jacksons taped to the upper left area of the back.
Found right above our Oval of Sweat, this phrase appears on the lower back after a heavy night of drinking during the late teens.
The Cat Scratch
A frustrating aspect of the human body is the Cat Scratch, found above our left knees. The Cat Scratch is a painful, often infected part of the human body that never heals and always keeps you pretty worried.
The upper left thigh features a small bandage, typically one that appears one-to-two days old. When we die, our thigh bandages fall off, usually on a restaurant floor.
As humans began to wear tighter and tighter jeans, our calves evolved to stop growing hair, as this is the part of the body most often rubbing against the abrasive denim fibers.
The human foot is a size 13 and covered in freckles.