How to Beat Up Your Dad: A Tutorial


So you’ve decided to beat up your dad. Good, he deserves it. You are a grown man, why should he be telling you how to live your life? He shouldn’t, and the best way to let your father know this is by kicking the living shit out of him. Let’s begin.


ProTip: If your dad simply isn’t the “fighting type”, that makes it all the more easy to beat him up.  


Best Songs To Listen To While Beating Up Your Dad:

  •  “Cat’s in the Cradle” by Harry Chapin
  • “Father and Son” by Cat Stevens
  • “Du Hast” by Rammstein
  • That Filter song that goes “Heyyyy, Daaaaadd, what do you think about your son nooowwwww?!”
  • “My Father’s Eyes” by Eric Clapton

Reasons To Beat Up Your Dad:

  • Because he’s not the boss of you
  • To prove you are better than he is
  • General anger (at him or this cold world he helped bring you into)
  • Because you can
  • Shut up, I don’t have to tell you shit

Things To Say While Beating Up Your Dad:

  • “No, YOU get YOUR hair cut!”
  • “I am Captain Phillips! I run the ship!”

Originally published November 2013