ROOM CHANGE REQUEST FORM
Name: Christopher Higgs
Student ID: 588202
Current Suite/Room #: 384
Roommate(s): Fuckbot XXXtreme
New Preferred Suite/Room #: Any
Reason For Room Change (Be specific; only viewed by authorized Housing personnel):
I am finding it hard to live with my roommate, Fuckbot XXXtreme. My main problem is that he never stops fucking. He fucks at all hours of the day. He fucks at all hours of the night. Every night. He fucks dozens of sexual partners per week, often many at the same time — he has countless penises, vaginas, anuses, mouths, nipples, and various other prongs and orifices for which there are no human equivalents. The fucking is always extremely loud.
He claims to be a sociology major but I do not believe he actually attends classes.
School is important to me. I come from a poor background and am the first person in my family to ever go to college. I want to get good grades so that one day I can get a good job and build a better life for myself. But it’s nearly impossible to study around my roommate’s non-stop bizarre wild fucking.
Last night, for example, I needed to focus on my biochemistry homework. Fuckbot XXXtreme, however, was pleasuring six people with his rotating vaginas, vibrating tongues, and tentacle-like penises. I sat there at my desk, staring at my textbook, trying hard to concentrate on the chemical equations in front of me and not on the writhing mass of sweaty nude coeds on the other side of the room constantly shrieking “Fuck us, Fuckbot, fuck us!” As you can imagine, it was pretty difficult, especially considering that I was also frequently being splattered with geysers of lube. A couple of times I tried coughing and clearing my throat in a pointed way, hoping my roommate and his “friends” would take the hint and quiet down. They did not.
What is especially unfortunate about this situation is that when I first moved in with Fuckbot XXXtreme I had high hopes that we could become friends. I knew, of course, that he was a robot built for the sole purpose of fucking, and therefore some amount of fucking was to be expected, but I assumed he must have other interests as well. Perhaps, like me, he would be interested in Magic: The Gathering and big band jazz. As it turned out, this was not the case. Fuckbot XXXtreme cares only for fucking. This, sadly, has impeded my ability not only to become friends with him, but with others as well.
Last semester, for instance, I met a fellow classmate in my calculus lecture named Alex who is also a fan of Magic: The Gathering. One afternoon, Alex stopped by my dorm room to show me his card deck. As soon as he opened the door, however, Fuckbot XXXtreme scuttled toward him, using his many prehensile penises like spider legs. He then began doing what I can only describe as a “robot mating dance,” booping and bleeping in a seductive manner while showing off his wide array of wet prongs and orifices. It worked, and Alex proceeded to fuck my roommate for a long time right in front of me.
After that, there was a certain awkwardness between Alex and myself. He didn’t really want to talk much about Magic: The Gathering anymore. He’d stop by my room frequently, but it was only to see Fuckbot XXXtreme and fuck him. Eventually he stopped even saying hi to me.
These anecdotes only begin to scratch the surface of the myriad problems I have faced living with Fuckbot XXXtreme. I have not, for instance, mentioned the time he once shoved my expensive graphing calculator into one of his anuses; I haven’t mentioned the long line of people who are always in the hallway outside our room waiting their turn to fuck him, many of whom I strongly suspect are not even students or faculty members but homeless drifters; and I have not mentioned that he once soaked me with a gigantic stream of his synthetic ejaculate just as I was leaving to go to a chemistry final, and I didn’t have time to change so I was forced to take the exam dripping with robot cum.
He also steals my food.
Perhaps most galling of all, however, is the fact that not once in our seven months of living together has Fuckbot XXXtreme showed even the slightest interest in fucking me. I have given him many hints that this is something I would be completely open to, even going so far as to parade around the room fully naked and lounge on my bed in what I believe is a sexy fashion. Yet the Fuckbot XXXtreme will not so much as touch my butt with his smallest wet prong.
In conclusion, please accept this room change request. If it is denied, I fear I will fail all my classes and be kicked out of college a poor virgin.