es. I’m guest editor of The Occasional’s Health and Fitness Issue. It has nothing to do with being big, strong, muscular, or extremely intimidating. Nope, I was chosen because I’m funny. After roaming the halls of Funny Or Die for the past few months, peeking in offices, surprising staffers with classic comedic routines like, “Angry Black Man” or “Really Pissed Off Black Dude,” I finally convinced them I needed a shot. Sometimes I’d sit in the lobby, glistening with sweat right after a workout and stare angrily into the eyes of everyone who walked in the front door until security asked me to leave. But you better believe I’d come back… because comedy is all about commitment.
Getting arrested is a lot like bombing on stage. You just keep going until they get the joke. I’ve dedicated years of blood, sweat and tears into making you laugh. Especially blood. Not mine of course… but whoever gets in my way. Ha-ha. That’s funny. Tell me that’s not funny. That was a good joke, Terry.
See, I have a lot of pain in my life, and comedy helps me deal with it. It’s funny to see the people who told you ‘no’ in the past, stumbling along, trying to get their bearings as their blinding pain is accompanied by the soundtrack of my raucous laughter. I know I’m funny because the others in the office laugh too, simply when I look at them. It’s really strange how funny and scary are two sides of the same coin. A coin I’m constantly twirling in my giant, black fingertips.
So let me be your guide. I want you to think of me as your gigantic, unnerving, special black friend who will harm anyone but you-- until it’s too late. Nervous laughter is still laughter, ain’t it? Yeah, I thought so. Because I’m downright hilarious, dammit.
Large Black Man/Magazine Editor
Oh, as guest editor, I get to do some shameless plugs, because I have a family and they like to eat. My business venture TERRYCO is prominently featured in this issue, providing health and fitness lifestyle products to help you live a better life, because you can’t laugh when you’re dead. So, anytime you see that TERRYCO brand, you better pay attention to what’s on that page. As for everything else, you’re on your own - hell, I didn’t even read that trash. And neither should you.
Originally published August 2013