Congratulations! You’ve decided to make a prank phone call...but now what? The questions of who to call, what to say and “What exactly is a prank phone call anyway?” can be a little overwhelming. Prank phone calls don’t have to be a chore though - in fact, they can be fun! All you have to do is follow these simple rules:
Remember You Are Lying
Keep At It!
Before diving in, take a moment to plan out who you want to call and what you want to say. A typical prank call usually involves two people: the Pranker (you) and the Prankee (the person being pranked). This person is also known as a mark.* Your mark can be literally anyone; a friend, a pastor, an uncle (though uncles are notorious kidders themselves and can therefore be hard to kid) or even a complete stranger - it’s up to you! With prank phone calls, you’re in the driver’s seat.
*does not have to be someone namd Mark
When you’ve selected your mark, think about something that might surprise, irk or befuddle that person in particular. At this point, it’s important to remember that prank calls are different from regular calls. For example, let’s say that your friend, we’ll call him “Marc,” likes basketball and you’d like to somehow incorporate that into your call. Great! But there’s a right way and a wrong way to do it:
The Wrong way:
YOU: “Hello, Marc? This is [your real name]. Did you catch the Pacers game last night on TBS? It was a great one, right? Okay, talk to you later, Marc.”
This is NOT a prank phone call! Sure, it may have been a pleasant conversation tailored to the recipient’s interests, but in order for it to be a prank call, there must be at least some added element of mischief or deception. Notice how the caller used their real name? Right off the bat, the caller has greatly limited his pranking potential by divulging his true identity to the Prankee.
The RIGHT way:
YOU: “Hello, Marc? Hi, it’s Michael Jordan...yes, Michael Jordan the basketball player. I’m outside in your driveway right now, wanna shoot some baskets with me and Scott Pippen?
This brings us to the next rule:
emember you are lying
You are not Michael Jordan.* You’re simply pretending to be Michael Jordan in order to trick or “prank” your friend. This is where the humor comes in. The idea that the world’s greatest basketball superstar would call up your presumably average, non-superstar friend to play some one-on-one in his or her driveway is highly unrealistic and therefore comical. But be warned: after saying it over and over, you may begin to believe you are Michael Jordan; it’s important to remember that you are only pretending. This brings us to our next rule...
* if you are Michael Jordan, please see section C below
Section C (for Michael Jordan Use Only)
If you are reading this, you are NBA superstar Michael Jordan. First ofall, big congrats on all of your success! You are easily one of the best basketball players of all time...but if you want to become a prank call superstar, you'll want to follow these simple rules:
Use A Different Name
Never Say You Are Michael Jordan
Keep At It
If the person on the other end challenges your claim that you are anyone other than Michael Jordan (say you claimed to be Tom Cruise*, for example), simply double down. Remember, in a prank call, the Pranker calls the shots and sets the tone. Stick to your guns and use specifics to support your claim that you are Tom Cruise. Try something your mark cannot dispute, like "Then how come I was in Mission Impossible 3?" or "But I am the Top Gun."
**you are not Tom Cruise*
*Use a Different Name*
Michael Jordan is a great prank name for most, but it is NOT a good one for you - it is arguably the worst one for you because that is who you really are.
*Never Say You Are Michael Jordan*
As Michael Jordan, you have a lot to be proud of and it's only natural to want to tell the world of your real-life accomplishments, however, now is not the time to show off. You must fully commit to whatever fake, non-Michael Jordan persona you establish at the outset, regardless of their basketball-playing abilities or superstar status. Once you've hung up, you may then feel free to resume discussion of your past successes with your loved ones or pastor.
*Keep At It*
Inevitably, your first few times out, you will spill the beans and reveal that you are in fact Michael Jordan - but keep your chin up! You didn't score 69 points against the Cleveland Cavaliers in 1992 without practice and the same applies to making a successful prank call.
With all the stress involved in making a prank call, it’s important to remember to have FUN out there! After all, at the end of the day, you are doing this for your own amusement, right? And though it’s important to take time to appreciate the sheer joy of the prank call, from time to time, you may actually become so overcome by amusement that you’ll be tempted to chuckle, chortle or guffaw at your own Prantics (prank call antics). Whatever you do, DO NOT LAUGH OPENLY; this is a quick way to tip off your mark that something’s up. If you do feel a laugh coming on, here are some fun ways to “suppress it while you express it!”
- cover your mouth and/or the phone’s receiver
- hold the phone far away from your face (up to 3 feet)
- bite down on your lip (stop if you begin to draw blood)
- playfully nudge a nearby friend, family member, or pastor
No good prank call has ever been made on an empty stomach, so be sure to stock
up on plenty of almonds, steak, bananas and red vines, all of which have been proven to bolster the body’s pranking abilities.
Keep at it
Remember, in life, you are going to fail over and over again. The same is true of making prank phone calls. Most seasoned pranksters have to make dozens, even hundreds of prank calls before their first successful one. So, if a prank call isn’t working out,
don’t stress out! Simply apologize, admit that you are not Michael Jordan,* hang up
and try again.
*unless you are, in which case you should admit that you ARE Michael Jordan
There you have it! With a little patience, the support of your loved ones and pastor, and these easy-to-follow rules, you’ll be pranking in no time! If you have further questions or concerns, please feel free to email me at MICHAELJORDAN@YOUJUSTGOTPRANKED.EDU, SUCKERS. *click*
This article was originally published May 2013