I've loved me since the day I met me. It was three years ago when I first caught sight of that mirror in Bed Bath & Beyond. I couldn't look away: Me had wild brown hair, soft green eyes, and a great ass. I made one of my signature catcall whistles to let me know I liked the way me looked.
Read MoreModern Mantras
NOURISH YOUR SPIRIT
Harness your self-esteem. Stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself, “I have a strong Twitter presence.” Repeat three to twenty times a day.
REACH INTO YOUR COMMUNITY
Reap strength from others. Chant, “I am a titan of LinkedIn,” during communal meditation. Lower yourself into child's pose and connect to a professional network.
FIND SOLACE IN NATURE
Seek natural healing. Stand under a waterfall and think to yourself, “I can create buzz.” Carve your low Klout score into a creekbed and watch the elements erode the text.
EMBRACE SOLITUDE
Chase self-awareness. Become conscious of your breath, and speak: “I am greater than the sum of my notifications.” For each status that goes unliked, unfriend 20 people.
UNITE MIND & BODY
Unlock your spirit. Walk onto a beach and remind yourself, “I have a dynamic personal website.” Release your Chi by punching the sand and screaming into your towel.
DIE
Kind of an easy out, but effective nonetheless.